I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
