my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
