she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
