dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
