My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
