Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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