I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
