Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
