Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
