the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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