That's when you crack a 10am beer
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
