I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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