were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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