I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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