I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
