Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
