Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
