tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
