Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
