A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
