i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
