Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
