Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
