please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
