Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
