The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
