Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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