So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
