giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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