woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
