sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
