i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
