I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
