She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
