Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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