We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
