My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
