is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
