I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
