She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
