Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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