Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
