I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
