Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
where am i from again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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