After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
