i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
