He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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