Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
