My room smells like vodka and shame
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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