yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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