Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
